There’s something funny that happens with our style as we get older.
People assume we’ll start settling down, toning it down, and dressing “appropriately.”
Whatever that means.
And I don’t think that should be up for debate.
You know, the ones that looked clean, cute, and easy to copy. Those spreads felt safe. and I loved tearing pages out so I could look for that style worn by the model in my local thrift store.
Honestly, magazine pictures was a way anyone could duplicate a style. Now we have Pinterest, Instagram and social media in general as a guide to help with style.
In my opinion dressing up is a confidence booster. It starts off playful and wearing cute outfits to work and brunch with friends but then somewhere along the way, it turns into performance. Yes, performance style is a real thing and it was in that moment I learned my style can be playful, fun, and made up to fit me.
The first compliment with a side glance, a raised brow, or even a soft, “Where you going dressed like that?” Can cause a woman to second guess her style and most times , not all the times, that's when the over shopping and buying new stuff starts. You will start dressing for others and not yourself.
And as a hairstylist I feel the need to look cute for work, church, brunch, all the usual places I go.
I used to think I had to dress like the pictures I saw in my childhood magazines, to get clients and to fit in at work. The older I became the more I wanted to play with my style rather than dress for work or other people's compliments.
But that’s the thing they never really tell you about style.
There is no certain age to wear something. Black women have been known to love color and have been known to dress unpredictable. My mom and aunts from back in the day wore it all , every color of clothing, big shades and platform boots. The women from my day wore what they had and it was always stylish. As, a kid I remember wearing things that expressed who I was rather than impressing someone else. And that could be the reason i was bullied especially in high school for trying to express myself through style.
I didn’t realize how deep that ran until one morning I stood in front of my closet, already tired before the day had even begun, and asked myself a question I didn’t expect to say out loud:
“Am I dressing for me, or am I dressing not to be talked about?”
The silence that followed told me everything.
Because if I was being honest, most days I wasn’t choosing my outfit from a place of joy. I was choosing from a place of performance.
I love the freedom to just put clothes on and feel good because I got dressed.
So there I was. Standing in the middle of my closet holding two outfits.
And I had to choose.
It was exactly 7:59 a.m. when I realized something had to change about the way I think and approach my style of dressing.
I didn’t want to keep waking up and getting dressed like I owed the people on my job or my socials an apology for who I had become.
So I chose the outfit that expressed me, even if it made people talk. Doing so gave me such freedom.
A woman at the gas station tilted her head and asked,
Because I wasn’t dressing for no one not even my husband , who adores anything I wear.
I was dressing for how I wanted to feel right at this moment in time.
True story.
That one decision cracked something open inside me. And I want to talk about it.
Not in the preachy just wear what you want kind of way.
But in the real, everyday way.
The kind where we open the drawer and pull out the clothes we’ve been too scared to wear.
Because we didn’t want to be judged. Or whispered about. Or seen as trying too hard.
But here’s my truth.
Trying to disappear takes more effort than showing up.
Trying to blend in drained me.
It smothered my creativity.
It made me feel like a watered down version of the woman I actually am.
And it wasn’t just about the outfit.
It was every single moment I made myself small.
Every time I let someone else’s opinion guide my choices.
Every time I thought maybe I’m too old for this, even when this was something I loved.
Now I’m not saying you have to go outside tomorrow in glitter boots and leopard pants.
Unless you want to. Then baby, go all out.
What I am saying is this.
It matters who you’re getting dressed for.
Because that sets the tone for how you show up in life.
If you’re dressing to impress, you’ll always be adjusting to fit someone else’s idea of appropriate.
But if you’re dressing to express, you’re saying:
This is my life. My moment. My story.
And that matters.
At any age.
Especially now.
Especially when the world tells you your best style years are behind you.
That midlife means muted style, and aging means dressing modest and some folk even say aging is an invitation to soften, not shine.
Ha. Girl, bye.
Nope, Naw , And let's add a side of hell No.
I don’t believe in erasing myself just because time is doing what time does.
I believe in showing up confident in my life, style and skin now that I’m older.
I believe in honoring the younger versions of me who never got the chance to dress bold, fun, and wild.
I believe in dressing as an act of remembrance, rebellion, and rebirth. Yes, it's that serious.
And maybe you should too. Because at the end of the day your style really does have something to say.
Maybe you’ve got something in your closet right now that feels like a dare.
A jacket that’s too colorful.
A pair of shoes you’ve never worn.
A dress that makes you feel like you’ve got somewhere to be even if it’s just the backyard.
This is your sign to put it on.
No occasion needed.
No audience required.
And when someone looks at you sideways, let them stare.
Here’s the secret.
They wish they had the nerve or the courage to stop dressing for approval and start dressing for freedom.
They wish they had the guts to show up with the same kiss my OZ attitude .
Because this journey?
It’s not about trends.
It’s not even about style.
It’s about styling our own personal truth.
And style is one of the few tools we have left that lets us speak our truth without saying a single word. #letyourstylecook
I’ve said goodbye to dressing for approval and that’s on trillburgers.
Now I dress for the girl I used to be, the woman I am, and the elder I’m becoming.
Yep. I said it.
I dress to remember that I’m still here, to honor my joy and share with the world I dress to express, not impress.
Every single day I choose me.
Question Of The Moment: Are you dressing for the world or the woman you’re becoming?
Because if it’s the second one,
Then we’re walking the same road.
And we’re gonna look damn good doing it.
Also Checkout Funky Grunge Boutique Shop
See you in the next post
Tangie
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